i get it now

and i know that you won't even appreciate the amazing view you have and the way you can see the sun move through the sky for the whole duration of the time it takes for the sun to go down because you always just sit there with the blinds drawn because the sun disturbs your computer screen and i remember the times i sat on the balcony always alone and sometimes i would tell you "hey check it out, the sunset is so beautiful tonight!!" and you would come and watch it for a second and say "wow, you're right, it is quite beautiful!" and then go back to work and i didn't mind because i thought it was nicer to sit there alone anyway and that of course you have the freedom to choose what's most important to you and well for you i guess it is gaining more technical knowledge and well there's really nothing wrong with that either, that's not what i mean, but i mean that now that i don't feel obliged to appreciate your needs i honestly can't say that i care that much and i can't forcefully make people enjoy sunsets because that talent has to come from within the people themselves and well i guess everyone just doesn't have that kind of talent and that's fine but it makes me so proud of myself that i do have it because for me it is so important, well, maybe just one of the most important things even, to be able to enjoy all these small special moments we have in life and i realize that i'm not even obliged to teach other people this kind of appreciation of life because i guess people appreciate different things anyway so my talents really aren't dependent on others but still now that i've had a taste of just simply sharing small, precious moments with someone i realize that oh my god it's even more amazing than the view we had because i can just lie there in his room and listen to him strum on his guitar and singing so softly it makes my heart all raw but i don't even mind the pain of my raw heart because it's the most extreme, exquisite pain that in fact is such great happiness that it boils over in pain and therefore it actually is the most wonderful pain i've ever felt and i welcome it with an open heart and i don't even mind that my heart is tired and i don't think about the things i think i know anymore because it is more important what i know in my heart, and trust me, this i know, and in his room, i don't even care about what the view is like because i can just stare at his wall and how the lights that he has pointing upwards because he thinks the light is more interesting that way , how those lights make the curtains give exceptionally beautiful shadows that remind me of the waves of the sea and his curtains aren't drawn and well i guess that wall is the most beautiful wall i've ever seen even though it's really nothing but a plain white wall because it's his wall