adventures of a samurai princess

so, the drunken haze caused some interesting dreams last night. here's one of them:

*dream begins*
i watch as my dear samurai-mentor is jumping around on the branches of trees on a mountain, trying to defend himself against his terrible nemesis. occasionally, i gaze towards a small wagon, where a small man with enormous pants sits. he wears those pants in order to appear larger, but alas, the pants only make him seem smaller in comparison. (and they look ridiculous). as i watch my mentor again, he suddenly falls down to the ground. blood oozing from a wound in his breast. and he is dead. i scream to the sky that i will avenge his death. because the man with the enormous pants is the evil mastermind behind all of this, he shall be my target. next, i'm in a small, traditional asian town. the view has now turned so that i am behind myself, like in a 3rd person game. i am a small girl, maybe around ten years, and i have a ponytail that jumps up and down as i run through the town. i wear samurai-gear, and my sword is glistening in the sun. a lady hears about my quest to defeat the small man and gives me magic candy beans. she tells me they will distract the guards. an old man tells me there's a hotel in the woods that holds a source of power, that could make my sword more powerful. so, i head towards the woods. and the only way there is through security... three men sit in a small room, guarding the only way to the woods. they say the woods are dangerous, and therefore they guard the way there, and i am forbidden to pass. the three guards all hold different kinds of guns. one shotgun, one sniper rifle, and one ak-47. i think. or then its a mp5. they aim their guns into my face to scare me away, but i'm not that easily scared. besided, i know it's a dream and i can't die. i tell the guards that i shall defeat the small man with big pants and take out my sword for extra effect. the guards laugh heartily."ahahaha, a small girl like that wouldn't defeat anyone" they say. but they open the door to the woods as they say that IF i for some strange reason would defeat this guy it would be convenient for them, as the woods wouldn't be quite as dangerous anymore. and if i don't succeed...well, then i die, and they don't care. i have no parents, after all. no one to miss me. so i run into the woods. after a while, i am by the hotel. it is filled with red lights and strange, laughing and drunk people, even the kids are drunk. i must sneak carefully past them. somehow i know i'd die if they saw me. or then i would get drunk and strange myself. suddenly i see something glowing in the wall, and i know that this must be the source of power the old man was talking about. as i inspect it closer, i see it is the face of a fat lady. her mouth is glowing a bright red, and she looks at me. i think she looks scary, but walk up to her anyway. she smiles then and tells me to put my sword in her mouth. i do so, and a bright red glow explodes from her mouth into my sword. it is now the most powerful sword in the whole world! i sneak out from the hotel, and walk into the camp of the small man with large pants. his soldiers run towards me, but to no avail: i simply throw my magic candy beans on the ground and the soldiers start searching for those instead. magic candy beans are delicious, you see, so they will probably be fighting over the beans for a long time. i walk towards the small man with large pants. we look each other in the eye, intensely, and.....
*end of dream*