when was the last time i took a deep breath?

a lot is happening, and a lot is slowing down.

last week i lay awake each night, with something tight in my chest. it felt as though i had swallowed my words because i was afraid to utter them, so the words stayed and tightened inside my chest instead.

this week is the opposite of that. the words are out, somewhere. but i begin to question if they ever even were important. and that makes me question why i feel my chest tightening over the most unimportant things. somehow i feel better than ever and worse at the same time.
and it still gets hard to breathe every now and then.

i find myself thinking of simpler times, when everything didn't seem so gray.

at the same time, though, i wouldn't trade these times for anything.