*dream one begins*
i'm in school. before junior high, i'd guess because i feel quite uncomfortable in my skin and still haven't cut bangs. i'm making a school project about a couple, it's supposed to be about a famous couple, but the one i've chosen is in fact quite unknown. still, i'm interested in the man from the couple because he's a cult-movie director and has skinned his facebook-page so that it looks like a movie. and his girlfriend is interesting because i read somewhere she has mental issues. so i have somehow managed to find their address and knock on the door, in the hopes of getting an interview. the girl answers, but she doesn't open right away but peeks at me through the tiny space between the door and the wall. she peeks at me from behind the chain keeping the door from opening to the full. i notice she has enormous eyes of a light-gray color. i ask her if i could meet her boyfriend, or, better still, get an interview with the both of them, as i find them interesting. at this, she bangs the door closed, but after a moment she opens it again and says "Welcome." i take a first step into the room but before i take another she grabs me and i see something glistening in her hands. a knife, big and sharp. strangely enough, i somehow manage to keep her from stabbing me and push her down to the floor. her arms are thin as twigs, so she can't fight me back. i hold her to the ground, and finally, she stops trying to stab me. i grab the knife out of her hands and let go. she sits up, hugging her legs tightly. i ask her where her boyfriend is - she tells me he's dead. she killed him. with that same knife. she was pregnant and he didn't want it, so she killed him. then she miscarried and was completely alone. only thing she does is sitting in that small apartment with nothing but her memories. regret doesn't accompany her, she really hated that son of a butch, she tells me. and she knows she is sick so she keeps to herself. i decide to write my school project about her. but i don't mention her name so the police can't get to her.
*end of dream one*
*dream two begins*
i'm at a party. the hostess is a pretty rich girl. but she is easily bored, and gathers everyone to stand outside the house to watch the second-floor window. everyone is standing around in the cold autumn night, holding their drinks. finally, the hostess appears by the window. she holds a big aquarium in her hands, and inside is the biggest goldfish i have ever seen. it gazes down at the congregation, so unaware of its surroundings. the hostess squeals in excitement and throws the aquarium right down on the pavement below. glass shatters everywhere, and the goldfish makes a sound like *splat* as it hits the pavement. it doesn't even twitch the way fish usually do on ground. it just dies instantaneously. and everyone starts screaming...in JOY. and in excitement. i stare at the people around me. what is wrong with them? i gaze at the golden dead fish on the ground and try to fight back the tears. then i gaze at the squealing, laughing party-people all around me. i feel so sad...but i don't know anyone at the party, and i feel like i have to follow suit in order to belong there. and oh how i want to belong there. i don't even know why, i just do. so i follow the people inside. and the party continues in full force. later, when the party is over, i, the hostess and a couple of her friends go for a walk. we pass a graveyard, and there is an open grave. the hostess laughs for a reason known for everyone but me as she throws silver coins in the grave.
Fast forward to next summer.
i'm visiting the pretty rich girl who hosted the party. it's summer, the sun is shining. we are walking around the neighborhood.i don't even know why i'm visiting her as i don't really like her. but in the dream it makes sense. finally i ask her why she threw the goldfish down from the window. why did it have to die? she answers matter-of-factly: "i was bored." and that's that. we keep on walking in silence, her long dark hair shining in the sunlight. we walk into the graveyard and pass the grave where she threw the silver coins. but it isn't open anymore, and she sits down on the grave. strawberries are growing on top of it, and she picks one. it is one of the reddest and largest strawberries i have ever seen. it looks delicious. she smiles at me and puts the strawberry in her mouth. from the sounds she's making, it is just as delicious as it looks. in that moment i realize how deeply i hate her.
*end of dream two*
